Fall Folliage or Road Kill

Greetings!

Well, how’s that for a way to get your attention after being incognito for the last several weeks. You may all have deserted me by now. Still, my counter says a few of you are checking in periodically. Thanks for not giving up on me entirely, though I can't say I'd blame you, never knowing when I'm going to show up again. Just the way it is these days. :-)

Since my last post, quite a lot has happened. I spent a week vacationing in my old stompin’ grounds of Nashville before attending the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) conference. I had a great time visiting with old friends. I truly am a Northwest gal at heart and feel more at “home” here in Coeur d’Alene than I ever did in Tennessee. But that’s only geographically speaking. In terms of the friendships I left behind, I left some treasures and I miss some of those friends more than ever having just seen them! Life’s sure about tradeoffs.

No matter where I’ve lived, I love autumn. And I remember fall as especially beautiful in Tennessee. One day as I commuted to work, I started thinking about fall foliage. And road kill, too. I better explain.

During the 10 years I lived in Tennessee, I saw a lot of “road kill”—those sorry skunks, squirrels, possums and other varmints unfortunate enough to be hit by automobiles. And there’s nothing lovely about road kill. Those critters’ bloody carcasses lay strewn across our roads and interstates. We are alerted to an animal's presence before we even see it from its stench. Most of us instinctively look away.

But at the same time while driving to work each day, I’d witness the leaves turning from green to shades of reds and browns and oranges. Early in the season, the leaves are just beginning to change. The trees are pretty but at the peak of their cycle, the color is breathtaking. Yet much too soon, the wind blows and the leaves fall to the ground. They fall because they are dead.

Two deaths. One so ugly you instinctively look away. The other so breathtakingly beautiful, you can’t look away (except enough to keep your eyes on the road!). Each of us are born with a sin nature. You might say the state of our hearts before Christ establishes residence is a little like road kill. We are spiritually dead in our sins. But fall foliage is a beautiful picture of death to self by way of yielding to the Holy Spirit. It is a glorious picture of how God sees us as we die to ourselves. John the Baptist said "I must decrease so that Christ might increase." Our death is beautiful in the sight of God.

We love to gaze upon the site of the leaves changing color. Do we say, "Look at the dead leaves, aren't they pretty?" No. We say, "Look at the leaves changing color, aren't they beautiful."

Trials in our lives have a way of making our lives beautiful if we’ll allow God to work. In the book of James we read: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

When we are facing severe trials, God’s desire is that they would cause us not to rely on our strength, skill, tenacity but to trust in Him to strengthen us and see us through. When I experience this crushing, it helps me to remember that God is not capricious. If He’s allowed this difficulty; it’s not without purpose. He will decide the duration and the intensity. I’ve discovered over the years that God and I seldom draw the line in the same place when it comes to my declaration of “This is too hard, I can’t do this any more.” I may think I can’t do it any more, whatever it is, but God knows when to pull the plug on a trial. Meanwhile, He reminds me that I’m "changing colors." What God is doing in my life and in yours, if you are a Christian, is a beautiful sight. A heart that is becoming more like Christ’s is always a beautiful thing to behold. The pain is not pleasant but painful Hebrews 12 tells us. What follows, however, is a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Those who are physically blind sadly cannot appreciate the beauty of the fall foliage. Neither can those who are spiritually blinded by their sin. They won't see the breaking, the crushing, the dying to self that God allows as something beautiful. They will instead see the "proof" of a God who could not possibly love us. I, for one, by God’s grace and tender mercy, have purposed in my heart to view the trials He allows in my life as He does.

Father, thank you for giving us the fall foliage as a picture of how death to self looks to You. Amen.

Checking In

Hi all,

Well, I guess I really did disappear. Did you notice? I changed my blog to match my Web site. I thought Labor Day would have been a good day to post since it had been exactly a month since I disappeared, but then I forgot.

For those of you who continue to check in (I can tell by my counter), thanks so much. Don’t have a clue who you are, though. As far as me, all is well. My WordCount Web site is up and running, www.wordcount.biz, and my business is growing slowly but steadily. For this I am most grateful and excited to see.

Tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn I’m headed for Nashville, TN. The first few days I’ll be spending with friends, and then attending the American Christian Fiction Writers conference. It’s gonna be a grand time seeing my writing pals and making a few new ones, too!

Hope y’all are well. Until next time.

Blessings,

Gayle

Redirected

Good Friday morning!

Thankfully, my computer woes were resolved on Wednesday but it took me most of the day. It finally occurred to me to email the friend who installed the software just to let her know what was happening. She said she wished I had written her earlier (like about five hours earlier). I could have saved myself a lot of grief not to mention hours wasted. I spent so much time trying to trouble shoot a problem, taking drastic measures at times where none were even necessary. The remedy was much simpler than the route I took.

Once the crisis was over, I started thinking how my approach to a computer problem is entirely different than God’s approach to me. As I said, the first sign of this problem, I tried to fix it, but I didn’t understand the problem. So, having researched a bit on line, I started troubleshooting, thinking maybe it’s this or that. Ended up uninstalling a couple of programs, twice, when I probably didn’t need to do this at all.

I am so thankful to God that He never merely “troubleshoots” in my life. He doesn’t look down from heaven one day and see that I’m hurting, or wrestling with some sin, or witness a bad attitude surfacing and start “fiddling” with my life. Rather, if God sees a problem, He knows exactly how He plans to fix it.

Okay, switching gears, the reason for today’s title, “redirected.” This is the last day I’m posting for a while—perhaps a real long while, though I’m not sure. To say I’m “quitting” my blog seems too severe. But I may be. Thing is, if I stop posting for awhile, y’all won’t know to come back and check, although it would be great if you did sometimes.

Here’s the deal. I’d been praying for a long time about whether God wanted me to expand the freelance marketing assistance I offered to a couple of clients to a full fledged business. He answered that prayer a few months ago when WordCount was born. Still not sure whether I’ll end up landing a full-time position here in the area and WordCount will merely supplement that job. (I thoroughly enjoy my job of administratively supporting authors). Or maybe WordCount will become my full time job. Time will tell. All I know is my business continues to grow. Recently had my new website designed, http://www.wordcount.biz, but I need to finish researching and writing the copy for that.

Further, I’ve noticed that I am spending long hours at my computer, far more than I would have if my job was off site. This has been robbing me of exercise time out in the glorious sunshine, or time with friends. Just time to chill. So much time spent at the computer soon cuts into my productivity. I’m busy, sure, but am I productive?

So the Lord showed me recently that my blog is one area that I need to cut out. It’s not just the time I spend writing it—I’m really slow and won’t even tell you how long it takes me to post each blog—but the time I spend mulling possible themes over in my mind. Actually, the part of thinking about the “when I remember” principles of God’s love, mercy, and grace each day is terrific. I won’t be changing that! Just won’t be writing all those thoughts down here!

Thanks for hanging with me over the last few months. It’s been such a blessing sharing a bit of my heart and my journey with Christ with all of you. Like I said, I may post sometimes. Heck, maybe I’ll post tomorrow if I suddenly feel a hankerin’ to share. But I also might not post for a month or two. Or six. Or maybe I’ll post next week but then not again for a month.

You get the picture. Just won’t be committing to any sense of regularity any more.

May God richly bless you this weekend with family and friends.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven….I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 14)

Computer Problems

Hey folks,

Well, I have some big time computer problems this morning. At least at the moment, they seem pretty big. Eating my time, making me a bit anxious. Can’t really concentrate on much—not, even talking with y’all—until I get this settled. I have some things I’m going to try but you know how it goes. Takes time.

So, I bid you all a nice day and I’ll see you back on Friday. Any prayers would be much appreciated! Thanks!

Read this passage this morning:

Stop putting your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. How can they be of help to anyone? (Isaiah 2:22 NLT)

Same could be said about my computer at the moment. I really don’t mean that, you understand. Just need to solve this problem. My livelihood depends on my computer functioning well!

Grace in Temptation

Happy Monday.

Last Friday I talked about temptation and how sometimes I deal with it better than others. I also shared how God is faithful, not allowing us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. (1 Cor. 10:13).

I was reminded of a story from my childhood. At this time, I had a knowledge of God and a tender conscience. I would not accept Christ as my Savior for many years but God was clearly working in my heart, even then. I’ve never forgotten this story.

***

Returning from recess, we took off our shoes and set them beside the door of our classroom. In Miss Cupid’s third grade (don’t ya just love that name?), we’d been studying about the Japanese culture. Today was officially designated as “Japanese Day.” We were so excited because ours was the only third grade class who would be eating authentic Japanese food for lunch instead of the boring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which generally graced our lunch boxes.

We each sat in a circle while Miss Cupid set out her frying pan and various utensils. She then opened a small plastic bowl of marinated steak and gently began sautéing. A few moments later she added the vegetables to complete here Teriyaki stir fry. I was so hungry and the meal smelled wonderful.

And yet, the moment I saw Miss Cupid toss in the steak, I grew sad. As a Catholic, at least back then, we didn’t eat meat of Friday. Today was Friday. I knew I could eat the vegetables but I loved steak and I wanted it.

All the while the meal cooked, I could only think about how much I wanted my steak. There wasn’t a lot, and I knew we wouldn’t each get that many pieces. But we each would get some and I wanted it so bad. I resolved in my heart, I would not eat it. I just wouldn’t.

Finally, my teacher transferred the stir fry into a glass bowl where she’d already prepared the rice and handed it to the first student, where he took a small portion then passed the bowl on to the next. When the bowl had made it half way around the circle, I turned to the boy next to me, who I also knew was Catholic. Too bad we can’t eat the meat, huh, David? Oh, it’s okay, he said. I’ll just go to confession on Sunday.

Wait a minute, I thought. That can’t be right. Seems I’m supposed to at least try to do the right thing from the start, not deliberately do the wrong thing, thinking that apologizing afterward was enough to make it okay. So when the bowl passed to me, somehow I managed to take only the vegetables and rice but didn’t take a single piece of meat. I then passed the bowl to David. Without hesitation, he scooped up some of the meat. I had a hard time with that. We had the same beliefs and yet I let the meat pass and he didn’t. Again, it wasn’t that I didn’t understand that we all make mistakes. What troubled me was that he thought going to confession afterwards made it okay to do this.

Now, though, I began to rationalize. Maybe it was okay after all. And yet, how can something be not okay one minute and then suddenly become okay simply because I want to do it really bad? My little eight-year-old conscience was taking a beating.

After we all had a small portion, there was enough left over so Miss Cupid passed the bowl around again. This time, I decided, when the bowl came to me, I would take some steak this time. I just wasn’t strong enough to say no two times! And yet, when the bowl passed to me, all that was left was rice and vegetables. No steak!

***

Years later as I began to study my Bible, I learned there was no Biblical restriction against eating meat on Friday. Yet obviously, my purpose in sharing this story is not to speak despairingly again Catholicism or any other denomination.

The reason why the story stuck with me all these years is this. I tried to do the right thing according to my conscience at that time and I did do the right thing. But when the temptation simply proved too strong for me the second time around, and I knew I couldn’t make the right choice again, God removed the temptation. Now I didn’t think in such terms back then as an eight-year-old. In fact I do remember being a little disappointed by the time the bowl came to me.

Yet in my heart I really felt like God had done me a favor. And when you think about it, isn’t that what God’s grace is? Always giving us a break when we don’t deserve it, forever wanting to just do us a favor?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

Escaping Temptation

Blessed Friday to y’all. Another gorgeous day here. Love this town.
I’ve been thinking about this verse:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I have found this to be true. Unfortunately, I’m ashamed to admit that too often not only do I not take the way of escape, I choose not to even ask God what that way might be. Worse, sometimes I know, but I just don’t feel like fighting to do the right thing. I pretend I don’t see it. Yea, isn’t that what two year olds do? If I cover my eyes, I can’t see you, so surely you can’t see me. This mentality of me wanting what I want when I want it is so foolish. Downright stupid. But we mortals are masters at justification. Deep down, or maybe not even so deep down, I always know when I’m justifying.

I’ve always heard that it’s my sin (yes, yours, too) but my sin that nailed Christ to that cross. That is so sobering that most the time, I can scarcely comprehend this, though it’s a good thing to keep in mind. And when I have these moments where I “get it,” I think why would I ever choose to sin again. Ever. I love God. Don’t want to hurt Him. Still I do.

Why?

Really pretty simple. That propensity to sin is a part of me. I’m selfish. I think of myself first. And deep down I want the world to revolve around me. God knows this. That’s why He sent Jesus to rescue us. We do need to be rescued, you know? Left to our own devices, we can get ourselves in lots of trouble. No, you might not end up in jail or on 60 Minutes shielding your face, saying, “No comment,” but you know deep down, things aren’t as fine and dandy as they might appear sometimes.

Thanks be to God that He knows this about all of us. All He’s ever wanted from me, what He continues to want from all of us, is just to be honest with Him. I’ve found it extremely painful to confess to God that “My thinking stinks right now, I’m being so short sighted, I know that if I do ‘this thing,’ I’ll be talking to you about it later, telling you I regret it and don’t want to do this. But right now, I’m lying if I say I don’t’ want to, and I’m really lying if I don’t admit to you that at this very moment while I’m agreeing with you that this isn’t the best choice, I am plotting how I can do it and there not be any consequences.”

I’ve discovered something about God. He gets us. He gets why we do the stupid things we do. He gets what we perceive the pay off to be. Good grief. He made us. Do you not think He knows what makes us tick? Still with the devil breathing down our necks, sometimes it’s easy to forget that God is really on our side. All He wants is to give us joy and to give it to us abundantly, on this side of heaven. I don’t think there’s been a day in 35 years being a Christian that I’ve ever really forgotten that. It’s just that sometimes my desire to sin trumps my desire to obey. The Apostle Paul understood this. Read Romans 7. Actually the whole book of Romans is terrific.

Anyway, sometimes the honesty and the prayer is enough to keep me on solid ground, and avoid the pitfall I’m finding myself on any given day. Sometimes, I give in. Goal is to allow God to transform my mind daily so I find myself giving in to temptation less and less. We’ll never stop being tempted, though. And it ain’t God doing the tempting, just in case you’re wondering. He tempts no one. He’s the one who tries to guide us out of the temptation.

I do know the remedy for all of this. And it’s not to repeat to myself 50 times I will not do this or think this or respond in the flesh in respect to whatever battle rages in my mind at this particular moment. That won’t work. The more we tell ourselves we can’t have something, the more we want it. Good grief, some things I don’t even want until someone says I can’t have it. You know, the old “Wet paint, don’t touch” syndrome. It wouldn’t have occurred to us to touch the fence but now that we’re told not to touch, we just gotta touch it to see if it’s really wet!

I love that God truly has a perfect perspective on all this. Sin is heavy and it has to be reckoned with. On the other hand, sometimes He just says to me, Gayle, now why on earth did you do that? (Of course, He already knows). Was it worth it? Well, it seemed like it was at the time, Lord, I say. And God says, I keep trying to tell you, Gayle, that’s the point. Sin always feels worth it at the moment. Why would it be called a temptation if it weren’t attractive? That’s a good question.

Need to keep washing my mind daily with God’s Word. Mediate on those passages that speak to my areas of weakness. That does work. Thirty five years being a Christian, I’m pleased to say I’ve had a lot of victories over sin. But I’ve discovered two things. My sins don’t seem to change. (Stick a bag of almonds in front of me today and I’ll eat the whole thing even after I’m stuffed). And just because I had victory over a sin yesterday doesn’t mean I’ve now got it “handled” and can relax. Some things ya just have to stay on top of.

Like weeding. Have you noticed? You can pull every weed in your garden, even get ‘em by the roots. Still a hard rain comes and then maybe some sunshine or maybe not, and poof, new weeds have sprouted up. Hmm. Suddenly I got some other thoughts on all this but this entry is long enough. I may save them for another day.

Blessings all and have a great weekend.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Six Again

Have you seen this “forward” about one man’s muse about returning to the age of six years old because he feels that life was much simpler? Funny. I don’t remember being six quite as carefree as this author does though on the surface it would appear to be so.

I remember that–

When I was six, I had to go to bed earlier than most of my friends because my mom thought I needed more sleep and I felt like a “baby.” If I was naughty on a Sunday, my punishment might just be not watching Lassie at 7:00 p.m. and nothing was worse than missing Lassie. When I was six, my first-grade teacher did not like me one bit, plus she thought I talked too much in class. While I stood talking to my little friend one day, my back turned to her, she had the audacity to pick me up and carry me back to my seat. Everybody laughed. I was humiliated.

When I was six, I forever was losing my dimes and nickels and that could buy a lot of “penny candy.” I hated church at six years old. The mass was in Latin, and I thought the nuns smelled funny. My brother put a worm in my hair when I was six years old and I screamed and was terrified to take it out. When I was six, I had short curly hair and when I rode my bike down the street sometimes I’d hear, “Is that a boy or a girl?” That stung.

When I was six, I couldn’t do some of the things my older brother got to do. And no matter how many times my mother explained it was because he was older and I’d have my chance when I got a little older, I didn’t like it and it didn’t seem fair.

Now I have happy memories of being six as well. I just don’t remember that age being as carefree as this writer does. I don’t believe there is any age that is carefree on Planet Earth. Days of fun perhaps, even seasons that may be of relatively little stress, but not carefree.

As I’ve gotten older, some trials seem to be “heavier” than they were when I was a child. Although, not receiving that shiny gold star on my homework at the time probably hurt just as much as not getting a promotion now. I’m better equipped to deal with the crises of life now. I have the benefit of a wisdom that comes with age plus I have the Holy Spirit living inside me, guiding me each day.

We mere mortals have an uncanny capacity for selective memory. We often remember things worse than they were or better than they were, but seldom as they really are. Try as we might not to, we all have our lens from which we view life. Only God Himself, I believe, can correct any distortion in my perspective.

No, I don’t want to be six again, nor any other age for that matter. Sure, I’ve experienced a few days so sweet, so fun, so pregnant with the best this world has to offer, I wouldn’t mind living them again. But life doesn’t work that way.

Reminiscing is great. I do it all the time. I love to look back and remember wonderful times I’ve experienced as a child or even as adult. Or look back at the particularly difficult times and see how God worked in the midst of them. Y’all know that “remember” is one of my favorite words in the English language. Nevertheless, when I do remember, I’m asking God more and more to give me His perspective as I evaluate my past and my present. I want to see things for what they are and not what I wish they were or fear them to be.

Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions. (Ecclesiastes 7:10)